I didn’t take the time to do a year-ender for 2012; then again, I didn’t write a single LJ entry last year. (Not that those twelve months were lacking for any moments worth looking back on).
But there it was, in part an unexpected, but also wholly inevitable turn at the last hour, before the Mayans could declare their calendar’s end. That designated time of reflection and reminiscing, instead turned into a disruptive and disconcerting period.
And in the aftermath–truth be told I still reel from it, in snatches of random triggered memories here and there–I found myself some form of relief and release.
Deciding once and for all to leave a long-standing job, then end a long-term relationship, one forceful blow after the other. Both being ‘firsts and only’s’ that my foolish sentimentality had to be shoved away in place of some real conviction.
Perhaps it was in that moment, seated on a dentist’s chair, that I could not have asked for a clearer epiphany. A bad tooth, I was told, that should have been taken out long ago. You may not feel its rot now, it may not really hurt you, she said, but in time it will wreak its ugly havoc (so I may have paraphrased).
Not to besmirch the job or the person–they were far from being cavity-ridden molars–but like an oddly-positioned wisdom tooth, the fit could have been better.
So in a strange, painful way the world ended and began anew all at once.
In this so-called brave new world, I have to remind myself that those actions only pave the way for that uncharted road. Someone’s got to walk on it, head held high.
And I owe it to myself to make this detour worthwhile, so that this old world I’d long known and mapped-out would not have ended in vain.